Food Nazis and self-indulgence

Here's the thing... I'm on a "diet" right now. I know, I know, diets don't work, I need a "lifestyle change" or whatever, I've seen the Weight Watchers commercials and I do understand that whole "lifestyle change" way of thinking. In theory, it's exactly right - make small, healthy, sustainable changes, lose weight slowly, keep it off for good. Problem is, I much prefer to lose weight QUICKLY, so I'm doing the calorie restriction thing and working out every day.

Current Boyfriend (CB), who I've been seeing for about 18 months (the last three of which have sucked), has gained like 40lbs since we met. I'm not kidding. He was about 180 when we met, he's 220 as of the last time he stepped on the scale in front of me. And it is ALL fat. Particularly it's beer and Velveeta. CB also hates sweets - doesn't care for chocolate, cupcakes, candy, etc. Me? I love the stuff. So anyway, this morning we somehow got on the topic of losing weight, and junk food... now, keep in mind as I recount the rest of this that, since January 1, I have dropped a solid 6-7lbs off of my petite, 5'2" frame (no small feat to accomplish in a month when your weight is already in normal range).

CB decides he's going to criticize the fact that I eat a snack every day. (It's true, I do, I usually go for an ice cream bar or a cookie or a cupcake or something after dinner.) He launches into a tirade about how it's pointless and he doesn't understand how someone who cares so much about how she looks could even THINK of eating something so disgusting, and don't I know how bad it is and why couldn't I just have a piece of ham or a glass of milk instead. CB gets incredibly preachy, and before I know it, I'm crying as I throw away a nearly full box of Oreo Cakesters and feeling incredibly guilty about the fact that I've already eaten some. He goes so far as to say that watching people eat sweets every day DISGUSTS him.

Okay, fine, I get it. He doesn't like/care about sweets. He doesn't understand how indulging myself at the end of a long day makes me feel. I tried to explain, about how I spend 15 hours a day doing things because I HAVE to - going to class, going to work, going to the store for him/his father/the rest of his loser car-less family, etc. - and the 15 minutes where I get to enjoy a cupcake gives me a small window of time to indulge in something I WANT. CB then tells me "Well it sounds like maybe you should be focused on trying to fix your brain instead of eating cupcakes. I mean, what you're saying sounds kind of crazy. You should think about getting help."

WHAT. THE. HELL. I'm crazy?!? BECAUSE I LIKE TO EAT CUPCAKES SOMETIMES AS PART OF A WELL-BALANCED, 1200 CALORIE A DAY DIET?!?!?!?

Never mind that he has a drug problem, a drinking problem, he smokes, he's 5lbs from morbidly obese, and he thinks steak, Velveeta, and instant mashed potatoes make a well-rounded dinner. Never mind that he REFUSES TO GET A JOB because he'd rather stay home on the dole and play XBox Live. Never mind that he GOT THROWN OUT OF AN ADULT GED PROGRAM because he was too lazy to make the 15 minute walk to class and missed too many of them. Oh no, the problem is clearly me and my cupcakes.

Mornings like the one we just had make me glad I'm starting to see someone else. (Code name = New Guy, and I've decided it's not cheating because I'm not sleeping with CB or NG at the moment.... although the not sleeping with CB is sort of what drove me to date NG. But that's a story for another post.)

Post the first

I know I have no readers yet, but I expect I will at some point, so if you guys ever get here, here's the basics of what you need to know:

About me: I'm in my 20s, I'm in law school, and I go to a top-15, Ivy League-style, American law school. The shorthand I'll use is HYS (Harvard-Yale-Stanford, the big three, and the legal-blog-jargon used to describe the type of school that I attend). I grew up blue-collar in the northeastern US, went to an extremely large, urban, socioeconomically-mixed university for undergrad, and am now in Ivy League hell with lots of sorority/fraternity types, prep school/trust fund babies, and assorted others who wear outfits on a single day that often cost more than a month's worth of my rent. They are obsessed with law review, and name recognition, and who will be working at the best firm for this summer, and every other stereotypical thing you can think up about an HYS-type law school. I'm less than enamored with the life, although I'm going to take what I can get out of having an HYS degree.

What you can expect: Lots of acronyms. No names. Lots of stories about current, past, and future boyfriends. Lots of stories about why my best friends rock, why the guys in my life do not rock, and how much of a misfit I feel like at school. Excellent spelling and punctuation. Moderately acceptable grammer. Attempts at humor and sarcasm that may or may not succeed. Digressions about weight loss and my success or lack thereof at dieting and exercising. Stories from the two - yes two - part-time jobs I work to afford my education.

So here goes. Welcome. Enjoy.